I’m going to go ahead and apologize in advance- this may be a depressing post, so I’m sorry about that but it’s on my heart so here it goes:

Unpopular opinion- What if our “season of waiting” isn’t a season of waiting at all? What if this is just the life God assigned us?

What if we aren’t all destined to be the best, the prettiest, the most successful. Maybe that role I’m working toward/ waiting on in my career, maybe that stage of preparedness and calm I’m striving/ waiting for in my personal life- whatever it is that we have convinced ourselves we “need” or we’re supposed to have. Why does our society teach us that if we work hard enough, wait long enough, want it bad enough, that it will happen? What if it’s not supposed to?! If it’s not in God’s will, I’m sorry friend, but it isn’t going to happen!! It doesn’t matter what you do, you will not force something to happen that is outside of God’s will.

For me, I feel this most in my work/ life balance. I grew up knowing I wanted to be a mom. I wanted all the babies; yep, you read that right- ALL of them. Not just a couple or a few- give me all the babies. And my whole live I worked toward that- get good grades, so you can go to a good school, get a good job, make decent money, all so I could afford the family I grew up dreaming of.

BUT then I grew up. I did get good grades. I did get into a good school. I did meet the man of my dreams; we did get married. We both got the jobs that allowed us to buy a house. Everything was going perfectly as planned. We finished our masters degrees and professional certifications; we got bigger and better jobs- still right on cue!! But then when we were finally ready to start the family I’d been dreaming of for nearly 30 years, it didn’t happen. Nothing was “wrong” it just wasn’t happening for us. I remember crying, praying, pleading to God for a baby. It seemed like everyone else was either pregnant or already had babies. My husband and I are both Christians; we both work hard, we had been preparing for this- so why not us?! Well fast forward we did eventually get pregnant and ended up with not only one amazing little boy but TWO!

At the risk of sounding greedy- then what? Now what God? I have 2 adorable babies, what about a third? Or ok God now that I have these 2 amazingly precious gifts- how do I get more time with them? They are growing up so fast and I feel like I’m constantly rushing around and missing out on their firsts, and more importantly their lasts (the last time they need to be rocked to sleep, the last time they crawl before running, the last time they say mommy before I become just mom). I have a great job; I love my job; but is this what it’s supposed to be? Both my husband and me constantly stressed and busy? Constantly battling the dishes, the laundry, the dust? Constantly trying to squeeze more into our jam packed schedule? I wasn’t born with a trust fund that I get to just live off of. I wasn’t given the life of a SAHM. I feel like I’m constantly thinking- if I can just get through this, things will slow down, if I can just do this, I’ll be better prepared and things will feel less chaotic, if I could just start a blog, maybe I can “stay home” and still have income, if I could start a business, maybe then my schedule would be more flexible, if I got a new role at work maybe my stress level would go down and I would feel more present in the moment.

But what if- instead of all the “what ifs” this is it? This is the live God gave me. What if I’m never meant to have the “easy” life? This is my life. I’m not trying to bring you down, but let’s be serious. David was God’s chosen person, and even he didn’t always have it easy- on the run, hiding from his father in law, seemingly always in the market for a new “friend” 😬 Maybe, just maybe- instead of focusing on how to make things better, easier, bigger, whatever- we should just be focusing on how great they already are and enjoy each and every precious moment of this crazy, chaotic, ever-changing, messy life because it’s the one God gave us!!