Pregnancy After Loss
At the point in time when I found out I was pregnant for the first time, my husband and I had been married for 7 years; we dated for 4 years before we got married, we finished our degrees, we focused on our careers, we bought a house- we were ready for baby! We had been trying for a baby for a while so when my cycle was late and the at home pregnancy test was positive I was absolutely over the moon! Unfortunately, a few short weeks later things took a turn. My husband and I were truly devastated. We of course knew it just wasn’t yet God’s timing for us but that didn’t lessen the hurt. I spent many hours in tears, leaning solely on God, His peace, and His timing.
Processing this loss moved me deeper into my faith. My family was supportive, my husband was a saint, but still I felt like I had nowhere to turn. My heart goes out to the women who have endured multiple losses. I’ve never felt so alone and so hopeless as I did during those days and I would have done anything to not ever go through that again!
So what do you do- how do you deal with a pregnancy after a loss?
The good news from that pregnancy loss was that my doctor was able to see from my blood tests that I had very low levels of progesterone. She prescribed a progesterone suppository to help me conceive and carry to term my next pregnancies. Fast forward to a few years later when we finally ended up pregnant again, I was a nervous wreck! Almost to the point of missing out on the excitement of pregnancy. I obsessed over every little detail, terrified that if I ate the wrong thing, did the wrong thing, moved the wrong way I would “mess it up again.”
Which of course wasn’t reality and did nothing but steal my joy and excitement!
Looking back on those days, I wish someone would’ve told me:
It’s not your fault! Of course I already knew that, but there was still that little part in the back of my brain- maybe I had too much caffeine before I realized I was pregnant, maybe it was that glass of wine I had with dinner before I realized I was pregnant, maybe it was because I lifted that heavy box. So listen to me carefully- I get it, sure there are things you could have maybe done differently, but YOU DIDN’T CAUSE THIS and IT ISN’T YOUR FAULT! So you’re not going to “do it again” because you didn’t do it the first time.
Talk about it. Talk to your husband, your mom, your doctor, ask for help if you need it- don’t be bashful! God has chosen you to bring new life into this world; your mental and emotional health are just as important as your physical health so talk it out, pray about it, turn to a professional, get the help you need to take care of you!
Quite possibly most importantly- ENJOY THIS PRECIOUS TIME! Those 9 months may seem like they’re taking forever, but once that baby is in your arms, you’re going to look back and realize how fast the pregnancy actually went by. You’re going to miss feeling those kicks and hiccups; you’re going to miss having that life safely inside of you, all day everyday everywhere you go. So slow down and ENJOY IT! Savor it!! Do the cheesy things- take the belly pictures, download the apps, track the progress based on sizes of vegetables, do it all!
You got this momma!! We’re on this journey together and I am so proud of you for working to keep yourself mentally and physically healthy for the precious life you’re growing!! Stay tuned for more posts in this pregnancy series.